It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
