whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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