my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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