Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
