Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
