i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
