Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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