i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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