Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
