I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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