Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
