did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
