Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize