I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
