Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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