He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize