Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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