I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
