Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize