when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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