Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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