How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
