he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
