she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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