Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
