I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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