It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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