remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I fill condoms, not promises.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
