He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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