Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I enjoy the company of your penis
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
