no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
