I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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