Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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