Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
