oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
