So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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