what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
