im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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