Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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