so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
