Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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