i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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