oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
