If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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