I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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