all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize