The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
