what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize