maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
