we made out on top of his cat.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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