your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
