this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This house was built for laser tag.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
