She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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