So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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