What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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