He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
