I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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