If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
