the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
