OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
