at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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