Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
