We got so high we made milksteak
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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