Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize