please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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