Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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