My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
