You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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