I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
