Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
