I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
