Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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