you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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