Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
