If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
