her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
