Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
