Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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