thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize