That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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