I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Someone shattered a urinal.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
