She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
