MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
