i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
