I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
