i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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