I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize