we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
