After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
