Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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