Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize