all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
