apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
