Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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