I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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