party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
