they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
