Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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