So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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