My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
