theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Even my vagina gasped.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
