i love accidental penises.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize