ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
