He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
