Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
