Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
