Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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