Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
