I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize