I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
