At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
