My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
