Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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