i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize