there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
